I have sat down to start reading, Cyn Balog's Touched at least six different times since I'm picked it up from the library last week. A perfectly good book, I assume, gripping, well written and exciting. A perfect two day distraction and yet life keeps tearing me away. I haven't gotten to page two, even though I have every intention to.
One of the six times that I tried to start reading I got on Facebook instead where I scrolled to this gem,
And I was having a full circle moment, Oprah calls them Aha moments according to my mom, but basically, Harlow 3 was released last week, and I have been promoting it. Writing and selling books is nothing like another product. It's a very long game. I mean just think about it, once you sell a book you still have to wait for the person to read it and then wait for them to tell someone that they did so, and then hope that they liked it and that's really the most effective way to advertise a book. You need a fandom. So releasing a book is always excitement meets self esteem roller coaster for me. I go through the jubilation of selling a book, to the despair that they may hate it or worse never even read it.
But then after reading Junot Diaz's quote I understand that I will not stop writing and more importantly I don't write for fame and fandoms. Especially when I have moments in life where I can't even start reading a book. In short it's not personal. This led to a few other things that I need to confess...
Even though I don't write because I hope someone will read it, it feels really good when someone does. There are times when someone will say that my writing was scary and I am elated! My words evoked emotions, and not just any emotion, but fear an emotion that resonates. I didn't write Harlow to be scary, but then again there is a lot of scary stuff in there. A young woman battling her way to answers, both internal and external. That's scary and it makes you have to ask yourself, why? The very idea that my ramblings made someone do that makes me feel like I don't care if one more person ever reads my work. (See what I mean about the self-esteem roller coaster?)
That's was my weekend, and I'm going to publish this and then read Touched.