You may have noticed that I haven't been posting very often. The truth is I have been super busy, for a reason. In case you missed my Buzzfeed article where I explained that my husband has quit his job while I pursue a career in real estate you can read it here. But that, coupled with the fact that I also interviewed for a full-time position at the community college where I've been teaching part-time has also kept me preoccupied and away from my writing and blogging.
When I get interviewed; put myself through the gauntlet of judgement and then embarked on the month long journey of waiting to hear back, I found myself (as I sure many of us do) in a world of second- guessing, doubt, and confusion.
Did I get the job? Did the interview go well? Who else was interviewed for the same position? Did they like me? Do I like them? All of these questions followed me around for a month while I was still trying to function as a Realtor, instructor, wife and mom. So yes my creativity in terms of writing a fight scene for Harlow 3 was non-existent. I was full of too many of my own feelings to let Harlow in.
I know feelings can serve as inspiration but when you're not even able to decipher what it is you're experiencing it's rather difficult to channel them into your work.
Late Friday afternoon I received the phone call I had been longing for, but the voice on the other end didn't deliver the message I wanted to hear. I didn't get the job. Merry Christmas. As hard as I'd worked and as much as I wanted it, I have to say that working in real estate and writing my trilogy I have learned that my self-worth and validation come from me. So I patted myself on the back for making it that far in the process and got back to work. This was just a change in the plot, my life once again was going in different direction than I had planned.
A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more anxiety about "what if" or "did I" or "didn't I," now I know and my wonderful life goes back to life as usual. And Harlow 3 can finally be completed.
Maybe I'm an optimist or maybe I'm a realists that understands that life happens and there is so much more at work behind the scenes that need we are unaware of or can't comprehend. So disappointment is for suckers because who knows what this "no" means for the future "yes's" in my future.